CHAPTER 3

Pain...mind numbing pain... After Brian had fallen asleep Miriam had slowly made her way to the dimly lit bathroom, every step an agony. She stood looking at herself in the mirror, observing the damage that Brian had inflicted. She was in a stupor, her mind only comprehending the pulsing and throbbing pain that emanated from every inch of her body. She wasn't even aware that she was crying until she saw the tears rolling down her bruised face.

"Jeremy..." She whispered, as her eyes roamed her sore and bruised body. Little by little her mind made way to the memories and the questions. How did she get here? Why did it happen? Every day after Jeremy had walked away, she lost a part of her confidence and self-esteem. He obviously no longer found her attractive or desirable otherwise he would not have betrayed her that way. She would look at her naked body and be disgusted by what she saw! She no longer saw herself, but what she thought Jeremy had seen... a disgusting and repugnant woman.

For months she had walked around with the humiliation that her ugliness had turned her husband away! She thought no man would ever find her desirable again, until she met Brian. He was kind, attentive, and he flirted with her outrageously. He opened the possibility in her mind that there was nothing wrong with how she looked... "Miriam, I love the way the sun shines on your beautiful hair. Your eyes hypnotize me. I am falling in love with you. Every night I go to bed thinking of you, and my body craves to hold you...touch you..."

No doubt about it he loved her body, she was his personal whore...his human punching bag. She imagined smashing the mirror, smashing it into a million pieces. Smashing and erasing the torturous images taunting her there. Unable to look at herself any longer, Miriam turned slowly and headed to the shower. Without turning on the light she stepped inside. All she wanted was to wash away every repulsive touch...scrub away his disgusting smell.

Miriam turned the faucet on and she watched the cold water as it came out of the showerhead and hit her body, but the cold did not penetrate her mind... Her mind was filled with thoughts of Jeremy. "Why Jeremy, why did you leave? Why did you betray me?" She whispered softly as images of happier times enveloped her in their warmth... Warmth that her abused body screamed for...yearned for...

She remembered that day in the bathroom when she had walked in on Jeremy as he was getting ready for work. He had just stepped out of the shower and had only a towel wrapped around him. She had put on a sexy little number sure to keep him hot and bothered the rest of the day! "Come here you minx!" Jeremy growled as he grabbed her quickly and pulled her close to him.

"What's wrong sir? See something you like?" Miriam laughed merrily as she felt the pressure of her husband's lithe and firm body.

"Good Lord, Miri, you look very enticing in this... I find I see a 'lot' that I like! I do believe I will show you..." He murmured as passion ignited his eyes. She felt his hot breath nearing one of her weak spots, her neck.

"Jeremy! You're going to be late!" She manage to exclaim amongst her laughter and increasing excitement.

As soon as Jeremy's lips touched her neck she forgot everything else. Heat rose rapidly through her body and a familiar ache throbbed between her legs at his expert touch. "Mmmm....Jeremy...aaah..."

Jeremy quickly took a hold of her lips. The soft feel of his delicious lips, the warm sweet taste of his tongue as he thoroughly ravished her mouth...playfully inserting his tongue in and out as if he was penetrating her elsewhere...caused all her senses to be on fire... He slowly nibbled on her bottom lip and licked her lips tenderly with his tongue... Oh, he could always kiss her senseless.

As he released her lips and pulled back slightly to look down on her, she managed to say with a delighted smile on her face, love plainly visible in her eyes. "Well, I guess someone liked this outfit!"

Jeremy looked at her with such intensity in his eyes and his next words sent her heart reeling with joy. "I love you Miri, with all my heart, I will always love you! You are everything to me, you are part of me my love, and I will always take care of you! Sweetheart... I love you in everything you wear and more when you don't wear anything at all! I think there are a couple of parts of your body that are screaming for my attention right now... I don't think I should keep them 'waiting'!" He finished with a sexy smile.

He then lowered his head and proceeded to nibble and lick her nipple through the lacey material of her lingerie...her nipples quickly puckering under his expert ministrations. He slowly moved one hand lower, and after gently removing the delicate fabric covering his prize, he touched and caressed her very being into utter submission... Which she gladly gave with a passionate moan, "Aaaaah..."

"Jeremy...oh, Jeremy... Where are you? I need you so much! You promised to take care of me always! You promised to love me always! Why? You were my life!" Miriam whispered as she sobbed, the water sliding down her body a sad substitute for the hands she craved for...the man she craved for...

"For three years I lived with the shame of your betrayal, feeling ugly and undesirable. You left me at his mercy! He was the first one to look at me with kindness and desire! I NEEDED THAT! And without knowing it I married the devil!" Miriam ranted softly, talking to the showerhead as if it could listen and understand. She covered her face in shame as she remembered that night.

She had been married to Brian only three days. She had not wanted to go on a honeymoon, preferring to stay close to Timmy. It was late at night Timmy had gone to sleep hours ago. Brian was making love to her, but her mind had been transported elsewhere, the memory bringing tears to her eyes, and in one weak moment someone's name excaped her lips in a soft moan, "Jeremy..."

"What?!" "What the #%&# did you just say?!" Brian raised himself quickly above her, his hard stare pinning her to the bed.

Tears rolling more freely down her face and her heart beating rapidly Miriam tried to apologize for her error. "Brian, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry it was a mistake..."

"The hell it was! That was no #%&# mistake! You still think about that asshole!" Brian interruped her loudly. He pulled out of her and got up quickly from the bed.

Miriam remembered feeling sad for hurting Brian that way. She had gotten up also, and as he was yanking on his jeans, she had put on her robe.

She could tell he was furious and she touched his arm to calm him. "Brian, I'm so sorry... you didn't deserve that, you have been kind and sweet to me from the beginning. I thought I was over him...but I'm not. Maybe this was a mistake... I shouldn't have married so soon. I'm sorry. It will be better if I leave."

No sooner had she said that when she felt Brian jerk away from her grasp and push her hard at the same time. She went flying over the blanket chest at the foot of the bed. She heard Brian's cold voice, and caught a glimpse of a wicked smile appearing on his lips. "So, you want to leave me? We'll see about that!" He rushed out of the room after grabbing something from the back of the dresser.

After she got up from the chest she ran after him. She found him standing near Timmy as he slept innocently on his bed, unaware of the drama going on around him. Timmy's bedroom was pitch-black but she still caught the menacing glint of the golden gun in Brian's hand. "One more step and I'll shoot him on the spot." Brian's steely command froze her mid step.

Miriam remembered with clarity the paralyzing fear that had gripped her at the sight of that gun. She remembered falling to her knees at Brian's feet, and begging for her son's life!

"Brian, please...please don't... I'll do whatever you want, whatever you need...please not my Timmy...not my son..." She had to force her petrified voice to stay at a whisper level so as not to wake Timmy, her heart punding so hard in her chest it almost drowned out the rush of blood going through her head.

Brian's voice was quiet but deadly, "You ever try to leave me bitch and your son dies. This gun belonged to a drug dealer who swore revenge. I'm a cop. No one would doubt that Timmy's death was a result of that payback...no one."

"I won't try to leave you, I promise...please Brian I promise...don't hurt my son..."

"You will be my bitch, my whore, from now on you are no longer a 'wife'. You try to ask for help whore and I will kill your son right in front of your eyes before I ram this gun up your pussy and pull the #%&# trigger, do you understand bitch?" He hissed through his teeth.

Miriam looked at him knowing full well that as of that moment her world had turned into a living hell! "Yes...I'll be you whore..."

Miriam doubled over in pain, her hand reaching out to the wall for support. The memories of that horrible night, and her recent violent assault at his hands, caused her to feel a knifing pain in her gut.

Her heart constricted in her chest driving a shooting pain throughout her upper torso... She slid to her knees defeated...beaten. Between gasping breaths she mumbled, "I'm nothing... I'm worth nothing... I deserve to die... I'm nothing!"

Miriam sat down on the shower floor. She opened her mouth wide and let out all her pain, all her anger, all her fears...without making a sound. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU LEFT ME AT HIS MERCY! I'M NOTHING! NOTHING!! TIIIMMMMYYY! TIIIMMMMYYYY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Her agony was even more heart wrenching because of her muted screams.

*****

In the morning Timmy found his mother sitting quietly in the living room. "Hi, mom, did you sleep w...?" His greeting faltered at the sight of his mother's bruised face. "Mom?"

"He did it again didn't he?"

"Timmy, listen..." Miriam spoke as she lifted herself painfully out of the couch.

Timmy's eyes moistened at seeing the brutal bruises and thinking about the obvious pain they must be causing his mother. "Listen to what mom? What's to listen? More excuses? Why don't you just leave him?! Why?!"

Miriam hugged her son and held on to him tightly. Only twelve years old and he had already seen so much pain. The images of that gun and her son's beautiful innocent face swam in front of her eyes. "I can't my baby... I can't."