CHAPTER 6
Miriam’s face registered shock and for a couple of seconds she could not respond. Then her face quickly showed disgust, and through gritted teeth she spoke, “So you went through with it after all…”
“Let’s not do this out here Miri,” Jenny interrupted giving Miriam a determined look.
“Fine, come on in!” She moved aside to let Jenny in. As she led Jenny to the living room she kept her face averted to hide her bruised cheek. Miriam signaled to the couch, “Have a seat,” and went to stand in a shadowed corner of the room. She didn’t want the sunlight to expose her gaunt and bruised face.
As Jenny sat down, Miriam stared at her in shock and disgust. How could this woman be Jeremy?! Her mind could not grasp the reality seating right in front of her. The man she had loved, the man who had given her so much happiness was gone forever…
Jenny’s determination faltered under Miriam’s accusing stare, she lean forward trying to escape the condemnation and hate directed at her.
Five years of pent up anger inside Miriam finally exploded, “How could you? How could you do that to yourself?! You #%&# destroyed 11 years of our lives, our son’s life, to become a #%&# freak?!”
Jenny answered in shock, the pain that word caused her evident in her voice, “You call me a freak?! Because I corrected a mistake done by Mother Nature?!"
"Shut up! Have you any idea how much you’re damn mistake destroyed me?!”
Jenny stood, her temper now riled up, and yelled back with just as much hurt and anger, her eyes watering as she spoke, “Do you think it was easy for me?! You were my best friend! I lost you and Timmy, and I lost my family! My father could not look at me again! He died hating me! And my mother refuses to see me; she blames me for my father’s death!"
“I fell in love with you! You made love to me! You #%&# me! How could you do that and then tell me you wanted to be a woman?! How was I supposed to take it?!”
Jenny sat back down feeling defeated by the memory of her parents' disappointment and Miriam’s heartache, “I tried Miri! I tried so hard to conform to what society expected of me, what my family expected of me! But it just wasn’t me! I did not belong in the body I was born in, that was not me!"
"I would stare at myself in the mirror for hours, trying to make myself accept how you all saw me, as a man… But I was a woman born in a man’s body…don’t you understand…I had to correct that mistake! I am a woman Miri, and I’m still me!”
“Shut up! Every time you say that it turns my stomach! I married a man! And your correction left me no way of competing or fighting to save my marriage! I lost you to yourself! You destroyed everything I believed in and thought was real!”
“The idea that you would rather be with a man than be with me was…#%&#, it was… YOU #%&# DESTROYED ME! All I kept thinking about was that every time you touched me you were disgusted by me…”
Miriam’s voice broke and she couldn’t continue speaking, she felt her heart aching anew, she had kept all her self-doubts inside for so long that she felt emotionally exhausted now that she had let them out.
“I’m so sorry Miri… I never wanted to hurt you! I was never disgusted by you, I love you Miri… In my mind I didn’t make love to a woman I made love to my best friend…”
Miriam burst into tears at those words, all her control completely lost, “How am I supposed to introduce you to Timmy? How do you think he is going to respond? Do you think he is going to be thrilled to see his father in a woman’s body? Do you really want to screw him up like that?”
“Miri, please… I miss him so much… I will explain to him, I…” Jenny’s resolved began to weaken under Miriam’s logic. She walked towards the window and looked out for a second.
Without turning around she spoke again with determination edged on her face. “I’m still his father no matter what body I’m in!”
As Jenny turned around Miriam uncovered her face and looked at her, and at that moment the light hit her face showing with clarity what she had tried to conceal all along.
“What the hell?” Jenny reached Miriam in two steps and tried to pull her closer to get a better look, but Miriam quickly pulled away. “Who hit you? What the hell is going on Miriam?” Jenny’s voice started to shake with anger.
Miriam tried to cover her face but it was too late, “It’s nothing. I’m clumsy…I hit myself with the door and…”
“Bullshit! Is your husband hitting you?! Is he hitting Timmy?!”
“NO! I never let him touch Timmy!” Miriam stopped herself when she realized what she had said. The frightened look in her eyes telling Jenny all she needed to know.
“You’re getting out of here right now! You shouldn’t be taking this shit from any man! And you shouldn’t be putting Timmy through this!”
Miriam felt ashamed, humiliated, and petrified. She had to get rid of Jenny now, she didn’t want her to ask any more questions and she was scared Timmy would walk in at any minute and find Jenny there! “Whose fault do you think it is that I’m in this situation?" She hissed in a low voice. "You abandoned us and destroyed our marriage! YOU are responsible for the misery Timmy and I now live in!”
“Miri…” Miriam’s words inflicted the pain of fatal wounds and Jenny staggered at their impact.
All the hate Miriam had nurtured for all these years showed plainly in Miriam's eyes, “Just leave us alone, don’t come back again!”
“He is still my son, Miriam, and I’m going to come back tomorrow to see him, that is final!” Jenny walked with heavy feet towards the door; her body felt emotionally battered, and her mind could barely think through the pain. Miriam cried quietly as Jenny left, she knew she was going to have to tell Brian now that her ex was back…and that knowledge caused a shiver of fear to run up her spine…
*****
Brian had been pacing the office back and forth unable to concentrate in his work. Doubts kept assailing him and finally he broke down and called Jenny’s work. A pleasant voice answered on the first ring. “Women’s Health Center, how may I help you?”
“Good morning, my name is Brian McCoy may I speak with Jenny please.”
“Hello Brian this is Kate, Jenny is not here today.”
Blood rushed quickly to his head but he maintained his friendly voice, “Hi Kate, are you sure? I could have sworn she was working a double today...”
“Let me check, but I don’t think so…no she has the day off today.”
“I must have gotten the days mixed up, thank-you Kate you have a nice day,” his head pounding as he hung up the phone, Brian barely managed to control his rage.
He picked up his car keys and called out to DiNozzo, “I’ll be back in an hour!” Brian headed out without giving him a chance to respond. “Damn, his got it bad,” thought DiNozzo as he continued working on the arrest report.
*****
Sammie rushed to answer the insistent knocking on her door, “Yes? May I help you?”
“Hi, Sammie?" At her nod he continued, "I’m Brian. I’m sorry to bother you, I know we haven’t been properly introduced, I came by to see Jenny but when she didn’t answer her door I figured she might be here with you…”
“Hi Brian! It’s really nice to finally meet you!” Sammie’s heart started to pound with nervousness, of all the luck she thought to herself. “Jenny isn’t here she’s at work right now, she’s working a double shift today!”
He used every ounce of his self-control to keep his pleasant façade, “I must have misunderstood, I thought she switched her shift and was working tonight.”
“I’m sorry to have bothered you, but it was really nice to meet you Sammie. Maybe we can all go out and have some drinks together soon!”
“I’ll like that, thank-you! You take care!” Sammie agreed cheerfully relieved to have avoided a disaster.
As soon as the door closed Brian’s countenance revealed the blinding fury inside him. Two questions pulsating in his mind with each step, “Where the hell are you, Jenny and who are you with?!”
*****
LATER THAT EVENING
It was nearly 6:00pm by the time Jenny got back home. She had wondered around aimlessly for a couple of hours. When she got home she changed quickly and let her hair down, hoping that would relieve her pounding headache. As she sat in her living room she couldn’t stop the afternoon’s events from going over and over in her head. She felt completely to blame for what was happening to her son and to Miri. “Oh God… I didn’t want to hurt them…”
Sammie walked in at that moment, “Hey girl!” She wanted to tell Jenny that Brian had come by, but as she saw Jenny’s pained expression she ran quickly to her side. “What’s wrong honey? What happened?” She asked with concern as she kneeled to get a better look at Jenny’s face.
“It was horrible Sammie! I saw Miri…she said so many awful things…” Jenny’s voice broke and she swallowed hard before she continued, “She called me a freak. She said I would screw up my son’s life if he saw me like this, in a woman’s body!”
“Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry sweetheart, I know how that had to hurt you… She’s talking out of anger girl, you know that right? She was in love with you it’s her broken heart talking that’s all!"
“Her husband beats her Sammie! She has aged 10 years in the five years since I last saw her! She tells me he has not touched our son, but the idea that he is leaving in that environment… And just imagining what Miri is going through…"
Sammie interrupted in anger, “That son-of-a-bitch! Report him! Tell Brian, he’s a cop he’ll be able to do something about it!”
“I can’t girl! If I tell Brian, I’ll have to tell him about me, and I’m not ready yet!”
“She blames me! And she’s right! If I hadn’t #%&# left them, they wouldn’t be in that house! Miriam would not be getting the shit beat out of her every day, if it wasn’t for me! It’s my…”
“Stop that shit right now!” Sammie’s anger passed the boiling point. “What kind of #%&# guilt trip did she lay on you?! You made the decision that was right for you! She chose to marry that asshole you didn’t tell her to do it! So I don’t want to hear you keep blaming yourself, you got it?!”
“Oh, Sammie, it hurt’s so bad! I miss my son, I want to see him, and I want to get them out of there, but I don’t know how…”
“Well this is what you’re going to do first, get up!” Sammie straightened up and pulled Jenny out of the couch. “You’re not going to give up! You are a strong, bad ass beautiful woman! So go kick some ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself!”
Jenny couldn’t help but smile at Sammie’s drill sergeant voice, “Yes, ma’am!”
“That’s more like it! Now listen girl, we’ll go get your family out of that house! We can get them away from here just like when you left! They’ll get a new identity and a safe place to live!”
“Sammie, you’re a genius, I don’t know why I didn’t think about that!” Jenny said gratefully. But you don’t have to go girl, I’ll be fine. Now that you cleared my mind and gave me a plan, I’ll be able to convince Miri to leave!”
Jenny pulled Sammie into a warm hug, “I love you girl, you have saved me once again you know that?”
Sammie cleared her throat, “I love you too honey, that’s what friends are for…”
“Although, you know that since you owe me and all, you’re going to have to get me a pretty damn big wedding present right?” Sammie smiled sweetly and after a second both friends burst out laughing…
*****
Miriam slouched despondently on the lazy-boy in her bedroom. She knew the nightmare was true, but she had refused to believe it… The woman who had visited her home earlier today was Jeremy!
“I’m so sorry Miri… I never wanted to hurt you! I was never disgusted by you, I love you Miri… In my mind I didn’t make love to a woman I made love to my best friend…”
Miriam burst into tears at those words, all her control completely lost, “How am I supposed to introduce you to Timmy? How do you think he is going to respond? Do you think he is going to be thrilled to see his father in a woman’s body? Do you really want to screw him up like that?”
“Miri, please… I miss him so much… I will explain to him, I…” Jenny’s resolved began to weaken under Miriam’s logic. She walked towards the window and looked out for a second.
Without turning around she spoke again with determination edged on her face. “I’m still his father no matter what body I’m in!”
As Jenny turned around Miriam uncovered her face and looked at her, and at that moment the light hit her face showing with clarity what she had tried to conceal all along.
“What the hell?” Jenny reached Miriam in two steps and tried to pull her closer to get a better look, but Miriam quickly pulled away. “Who hit you? What the hell is going on Miriam?” Jenny’s voice started to shake with anger.
Miriam tried to cover her face but it was too late, “It’s nothing. I’m clumsy…I hit myself with the door and…”
“Bullshit! Is your husband hitting you?! Is he hitting Timmy?!”
“NO! I never let him touch Timmy!” Miriam stopped herself when she realized what she had said. The frightened look in her eyes telling Jenny all she needed to know.
“You’re getting out of here right now! You shouldn’t be taking this shit from any man! And you shouldn’t be putting Timmy through this!”
Miriam felt ashamed, humiliated, and petrified. She had to get rid of Jenny now, she didn’t want her to ask any more questions and she was scared Timmy would walk in at any minute and find Jenny there! “Whose fault do you think it is that I’m in this situation?" She hissed in a low voice. "You abandoned us and destroyed our marriage! YOU are responsible for the misery Timmy and I now live in!”
“Miri…” Miriam’s words inflicted the pain of fatal wounds and Jenny staggered at their impact.
All the hate Miriam had nurtured for all these years showed plainly in Miriam's eyes, “Just leave us alone, don’t come back again!”
“He is still my son, Miriam, and I’m going to come back tomorrow to see him, that is final!” Jenny walked with heavy feet towards the door; her body felt emotionally battered, and her mind could barely think through the pain. Miriam cried quietly as Jenny left, she knew she was going to have to tell Brian now that her ex was back…and that knowledge caused a shiver of fear to run up her spine…
*****
Brian had been pacing the office back and forth unable to concentrate in his work. Doubts kept assailing him and finally he broke down and called Jenny’s work. A pleasant voice answered on the first ring. “Women’s Health Center, how may I help you?”
“Good morning, my name is Brian McCoy may I speak with Jenny please.”
“Hello Brian this is Kate, Jenny is not here today.”
Blood rushed quickly to his head but he maintained his friendly voice, “Hi Kate, are you sure? I could have sworn she was working a double today...”
“Let me check, but I don’t think so…no she has the day off today.”
“I must have gotten the days mixed up, thank-you Kate you have a nice day,” his head pounding as he hung up the phone, Brian barely managed to control his rage.
He picked up his car keys and called out to DiNozzo, “I’ll be back in an hour!” Brian headed out without giving him a chance to respond. “Damn, his got it bad,” thought DiNozzo as he continued working on the arrest report.
*****
Sammie rushed to answer the insistent knocking on her door, “Yes? May I help you?”
“Hi, Sammie?" At her nod he continued, "I’m Brian. I’m sorry to bother you, I know we haven’t been properly introduced, I came by to see Jenny but when she didn’t answer her door I figured she might be here with you…”
“Hi Brian! It’s really nice to finally meet you!” Sammie’s heart started to pound with nervousness, of all the luck she thought to herself. “Jenny isn’t here she’s at work right now, she’s working a double shift today!”
He used every ounce of his self-control to keep his pleasant façade, “I must have misunderstood, I thought she switched her shift and was working tonight.”
“I’m sorry to have bothered you, but it was really nice to meet you Sammie. Maybe we can all go out and have some drinks together soon!”
“I’ll like that, thank-you! You take care!” Sammie agreed cheerfully relieved to have avoided a disaster.
As soon as the door closed Brian’s countenance revealed the blinding fury inside him. Two questions pulsating in his mind with each step, “Where the hell are you, Jenny and who are you with?!”
*****
LATER THAT EVENING
It was nearly 6:00pm by the time Jenny got back home. She had wondered around aimlessly for a couple of hours. When she got home she changed quickly and let her hair down, hoping that would relieve her pounding headache. As she sat in her living room she couldn’t stop the afternoon’s events from going over and over in her head. She felt completely to blame for what was happening to her son and to Miri. “Oh God… I didn’t want to hurt them…”
Sammie walked in at that moment, “Hey girl!” She wanted to tell Jenny that Brian had come by, but as she saw Jenny’s pained expression she ran quickly to her side. “What’s wrong honey? What happened?” She asked with concern as she kneeled to get a better look at Jenny’s face.
“It was horrible Sammie! I saw Miri…she said so many awful things…” Jenny’s voice broke and she swallowed hard before she continued, “She called me a freak. She said I would screw up my son’s life if he saw me like this, in a woman’s body!”
“Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry sweetheart, I know how that had to hurt you… She’s talking out of anger girl, you know that right? She was in love with you it’s her broken heart talking that’s all!"
“Her husband beats her Sammie! She has aged 10 years in the five years since I last saw her! She tells me he has not touched our son, but the idea that he is leaving in that environment… And just imagining what Miri is going through…"
Sammie interrupted in anger, “That son-of-a-bitch! Report him! Tell Brian, he’s a cop he’ll be able to do something about it!”
“I can’t girl! If I tell Brian, I’ll have to tell him about me, and I’m not ready yet!”
“She blames me! And she’s right! If I hadn’t #%&# left them, they wouldn’t be in that house! Miriam would not be getting the shit beat out of her every day, if it wasn’t for me! It’s my…”
“Stop that shit right now!” Sammie’s anger passed the boiling point. “What kind of #%&# guilt trip did she lay on you?! You made the decision that was right for you! She chose to marry that asshole you didn’t tell her to do it! So I don’t want to hear you keep blaming yourself, you got it?!”
“Oh, Sammie, it hurt’s so bad! I miss my son, I want to see him, and I want to get them out of there, but I don’t know how…”
“Well this is what you’re going to do first, get up!” Sammie straightened up and pulled Jenny out of the couch. “You’re not going to give up! You are a strong, bad ass beautiful woman! So go kick some ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself!”
Jenny couldn’t help but smile at Sammie’s drill sergeant voice, “Yes, ma’am!”
“That’s more like it! Now listen girl, we’ll go get your family out of that house! We can get them away from here just like when you left! They’ll get a new identity and a safe place to live!”
“Sammie, you’re a genius, I don’t know why I didn’t think about that!” Jenny said gratefully. But you don’t have to go girl, I’ll be fine. Now that you cleared my mind and gave me a plan, I’ll be able to convince Miri to leave!”
Jenny pulled Sammie into a warm hug, “I love you girl, you have saved me once again you know that?”
Sammie cleared her throat, “I love you too honey, that’s what friends are for…”
“Although, you know that since you owe me and all, you’re going to have to get me a pretty damn big wedding present right?” Sammie smiled sweetly and after a second both friends burst out laughing…
*****
Miriam slouched despondently on the lazy-boy in her bedroom. She knew the nightmare was true, but she had refused to believe it… The woman who had visited her home earlier today was Jeremy!
Throughout all her ranting and raving a part of her mind had snapped closed, hiding from the blatant truth! But the truth was coming in and a loved one’s face was quickly fading in its wake. A painful whisper escaped her lips, “Jeremy… You no longer exist….”
*****
NEXT MORNING
Jenny walked up to Brian as he was grooming his hair. He had come in close to 4:00am this morning but he looked well rested. She had waited until it was almost time for him to leave to tell him about Jeremy. “Brian, Jeremy came by yesterday, he is demanding to see Timmy...”
Brian swung around and in a furious voice interrupted her, “I don’t give a shit what that asshole wants! He better keep his faggot ass away from my house or I’ll arrest him for trespassing and harassment! But that’s after I beat the shit out of him, you got that?!”
Miriam cringed expecting Brian’s anger to escalate to a beating, “Y...yes I understand… I…I’ll tell him!”
Brian walked out still cussing and fuming, “Stupid #%&#, gonna come into my house and make demands… I’ll #%&#…” Brian’s voice faded as he left the house. Miriam stood shaking as she hugged herself. Relieve flowed through her that she had escaped a beating even though he had been furious. Now she had one more hurdle to jump…stop Jeremy from coming back…
*****
EARLY THAT AFTERNOON
Jenny arrived at Miriam’s house early. She had left her place before Sammie could see her. Since she had no doubt Sammie would tease her about her attire. Jenny had chosen a more conservative outfit, one that would cover her curves. Even though all that Sammie had said was correct, she did not want to shock her son more, with all her new curves in display.
Miriam let Jenny in without saying a word. They stood near the entry way without saying a word, neither one sure on how to begin.
Jenny cleared her throat before she spoke, “Miri, I can get you and Timmy out of here to a safe place. You will get new identities, he’ll never find you. Please let me take you both away from here.”
For a brief moment Miriam allowed herself to dream, the possibility of leaving this hell and never coming back… But Brian would find them. He was a cop, he would find a way, and then he would kill…
Forcing herself to squelch down that fantasy, she put forth her plan to get rid of Jeremy. Miriam’s voice, face, and expression, were as cold and as calculating as she had hoped when she spoke, “What makes you think I want to leave? I enjoy what he does to me, he’s a real man, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
*****
DiNozzo and Brian were on their way to talk to a couple of informants. If their leads panned out they would be able to close one of their cases by that afternoon. Brian had been seething all morning. Jenny had come up with another excuse for not seeing him again this afternoon. She had sounded very strained and that had him worried.
His love and desire for her were like a drug to him, and he needed a fix very badly! It was all he could do to maintain a civil tone around his partner, his jealousy and doubts were consuming him. Then the bullshit this morning with Miriam’s faggot ex-husband! Suddenly he wondered if he might not be at his home right now. I bet he is! That bitch probably let him in again! “DiNozzo, swing by my house, I need to pick up something.”
DiNozzo answered sarcastically, “Sure boss!”
“Screw-you dick-wad!” but he smiled as he said it.
He was cheering up as he savored the idea of exerting some of his pent up anger on his wife’s ex. “I hope that pussy is there, I’ll give him the beating of a lifetime!”
*****
NEXT MORNING
Jenny walked up to Brian as he was grooming his hair. He had come in close to 4:00am this morning but he looked well rested. She had waited until it was almost time for him to leave to tell him about Jeremy. “Brian, Jeremy came by yesterday, he is demanding to see Timmy...”
Brian swung around and in a furious voice interrupted her, “I don’t give a shit what that asshole wants! He better keep his faggot ass away from my house or I’ll arrest him for trespassing and harassment! But that’s after I beat the shit out of him, you got that?!”
Miriam cringed expecting Brian’s anger to escalate to a beating, “Y...yes I understand… I…I’ll tell him!”
Brian walked out still cussing and fuming, “Stupid #%&#, gonna come into my house and make demands… I’ll #%&#…” Brian’s voice faded as he left the house. Miriam stood shaking as she hugged herself. Relieve flowed through her that she had escaped a beating even though he had been furious. Now she had one more hurdle to jump…stop Jeremy from coming back…
*****
EARLY THAT AFTERNOON
Jenny arrived at Miriam’s house early. She had left her place before Sammie could see her. Since she had no doubt Sammie would tease her about her attire. Jenny had chosen a more conservative outfit, one that would cover her curves. Even though all that Sammie had said was correct, she did not want to shock her son more, with all her new curves in display.
Miriam let Jenny in without saying a word. They stood near the entry way without saying a word, neither one sure on how to begin.
Jenny cleared her throat before she spoke, “Miri, I can get you and Timmy out of here to a safe place. You will get new identities, he’ll never find you. Please let me take you both away from here.”
For a brief moment Miriam allowed herself to dream, the possibility of leaving this hell and never coming back… But Brian would find them. He was a cop, he would find a way, and then he would kill…
Forcing herself to squelch down that fantasy, she put forth her plan to get rid of Jeremy. Miriam’s voice, face, and expression, were as cold and as calculating as she had hoped when she spoke, “What makes you think I want to leave? I enjoy what he does to me, he’s a real man, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
*****
DiNozzo and Brian were on their way to talk to a couple of informants. If their leads panned out they would be able to close one of their cases by that afternoon. Brian had been seething all morning. Jenny had come up with another excuse for not seeing him again this afternoon. She had sounded very strained and that had him worried.
His love and desire for her were like a drug to him, and he needed a fix very badly! It was all he could do to maintain a civil tone around his partner, his jealousy and doubts were consuming him. Then the bullshit this morning with Miriam’s faggot ex-husband! Suddenly he wondered if he might not be at his home right now. I bet he is! That bitch probably let him in again! “DiNozzo, swing by my house, I need to pick up something.”
DiNozzo answered sarcastically, “Sure boss!”
“Screw-you dick-wad!” but he smiled as he said it.
He was cheering up as he savored the idea of exerting some of his pent up anger on his wife’s ex. “I hope that pussy is there, I’ll give him the beating of a lifetime!”